august 07, 2009
# 32 Control freak à la féminine-
I am starting this post by reminding everyone that as a life and business coach I am not allowing myself to give any advice or suggestions. My posts are my own ideas and opinions that will not suite any reader. Perhaps every person will take just a small part from here that part which best applies to their own thoughts, experiences and way of life.
So please, just remember, no one can take decisions and responsibility for your life. Coaching presupposes making each one of us aware of our own power, resources and duties. Therefore pieces of advice received are best when they come from an actual expert and you by yourself decide what is best for you and your situation. When you take someone else’s advice you and only you will be liable for what will come thereafter.
I often see women yelling and just telling their partner what to do. It is obvious that the period when that guy was living at home with his parents has long passed. Fortunately usually it’s about a small conflict because of the man power of understanding and mediating nature. But how long will the man’s patience last?
It is true that woman usually do too much, they are very responsible for things that sometimes a man doesn’t know exists. They do a lot of things on their own and they try to compensate that by simply controlling the rest. A woman has in mind at all times the possibility of an improvement and acts based on that thought.
Yelling, being upset or responding in a revengeful manner, being stubborn will never make things easier. Unfortunately we all learn behaviours (observing other’s responses to actions) without being aware that we are able to learn other behaviours in order to change the environment and the atmosphere we are living in.
The first most important step is becoming aware of your reactions. This step is one of the hardest and needs a lot of attention in the coaching sessions.
But why do we often behave like this? Why do we tend to control and maintain some attitudes that won’t bring us any good?
As we use in coaching, the good intention behind that habit is that we love that person so much. We know something must be done in order to improve the situation and move on (as humans we need to continue evolving and change, although we learn day by day how to handle them), but sometimes it is hard to do it in a positive way.
It is also true that we need to yell, we constantly need to experience all human behaviours to have the balance we all need in our life. We can do that in a neutral manner like having fun: screaming, running, laughing out loud and much more. These behaviours are usually not allowed in a parent, manager, employee, or entrepreneur role. Most important is to find your own neutral (this means not attacking anyone in any manner) way of playing with all these behaviours!
The bottom line is that first we need to find out what we want when we behave badly with our partner…Than to ask for it nicely and in an open manner like: “What would you say about helping me with…or with …or doing this…and this?
Nice theory… good luck with your practice.
Next time it will be the boys turn, I promise ;)
I saved a hug for you!